You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
