you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize