i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize