I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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