I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
