somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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