I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
