On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
