he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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