So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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