you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
