I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
