It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
