It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
