she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
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When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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