When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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