U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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