chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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