I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
