Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
