Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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