so that wasnt chicken after all
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
