Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
