Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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