He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
