I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
