I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
