Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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