But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
