No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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