I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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