I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
