Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
