Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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