Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
