Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
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he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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