We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
