community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
