they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
