when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
