"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
