My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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