if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
