Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
