So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
