at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
