I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
