I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
