no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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