I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
