Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
