nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you traded sex for a burrito?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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