I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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