The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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