I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning