Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
