well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.