so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
