mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.