he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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