is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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