Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
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Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
did i just pee glitter
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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