I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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