We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
