And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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