just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
