This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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