How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
