omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
