You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
