Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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