but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
