I wish I could teleport
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
