I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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